Learn How to Say “No”


By Sajjad Amin Bangash

An intelligent woman knows well how to utilize her capabilities and intelligence and especially the women of today’s time are prouder enough to assert that she has acquired full access and success in almost every profession of modern time.

But what are the reasons even now that still women find it hard to to say ‘No’ in several of daily life circumstances in various matters of her life?

Simply, because the women of today’s time are highly polite and overly sensitive and concerned to others feelings and emotions. Therefore; she feels it a matter of embarrassment to say ‘No‘ to everyone she confronts during her daily life. In addition, women do give a wise deal of concern to the ‘annoyance and doesn’t want to offend others as well.’
  

According to clinical Psychologists ” We still can’t make everyone satisfied and happy, even if we try to our maximum level and extend and we will again see that at least some of the people will still not be agreeing with us. Therefore, by neglecting ourselves in an attempt to make everyone happy, is an inappropriate way. “

In fact, we are being taught by our parents, elders and teachers from the early age of our lives that we need to make everyone happy by maintaining a good moral attitude, ethical norms and utmost politeness with others and in order to remain nice kids, we always try not to negate or offend others with a saying ‘No‘ word to them.

But this is life and we often find ourselves in situations that saying ‘No‘ becomes extremely important to express so as to carry on with our routine matters without possible hindrances. Now, in such circumstances, if you do not want to offend someone with a harsh big word ‘No‘, you can also replace the ‘No‘ word with several polite expressions such as ‘ I’m extremely sorry but I won’t be able to do this job or sorry dear, I will equally be very busy during that day or time.”

Similarly, if you are not in a position to lend someone money and refusing him/her with a blunt ‘No‘, you still can say ‘No‘ by saying that ‘Oh dear! I wish I could help you in such bad time but I’m running with similar financial crisis as well.’

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Although, it is undeniable fact that our life cycle goes on smoothly by extending help and support to each other in difficult times, but what if your daily schedule is overly tight and running short of time, obviously in such circumstances, giving time to your friends, closed ones or colleagues can put you in parallel difficulties as well. Therefore, if you have to negate your friends, colleagues, closed ones, or even if you can’t afford to fulfill the darling wishes of your children, you still need to learn few important tips of how to say ‘No‘ to others.

To your children:
If your child is expressing his desire to buy him/her an expensive toy but your budget is not capable enough to fulfill his this demand. This is off course, one of the painful moments of your life and by refusing your child’s wish with a blunt ‘No‘ simply breaks child’s heart since children are difficult to let them understand and they continuously express their stubborn attitude and keep insisting.

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However, you need to come down to child’s mental level and negate in a cordial way. Children are like fragile wood which you can easily turn anywhere you want. Therefore; try to teach your children from the very beginning of their lives the habit of saving and that not every desire can be easily and quickly be fulfilled but happens with a right time to come depending on your financial capacity. Now, if your child is quite sensible in understanding and valuing the importance of money, then it’s easier to teach him/her the importance of budgetary constraints and importance. Similarly, try to teach your children and arouse their interests towards saving money so that they can adopt this habit and be able to buy everything they desire.

To your friends:
Due to our extreme politeness, care and sound moral attitude, sometimes we get stuck in a situation where it becomes so difficult for us to get out of that quandary. For instance, if one of your friends is going out for shopping and she leaves 03 of her children under your custody to be taken care of but even after 02 hours, you receive a call from your friend that it still can get more of her time in shopping. This will definitely stir your mind since you still have the responsibility of taking care of her naughty kids jumping around and you’ve to look after them ignoring your own household chores and affairs. Now, during that particular moment of time, you certainly would think ‘Oh! I shouldn’t have said ‘Yes’ to my friend for letting her children stay with me for few hours.’

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So if it’s a matter of hosting the children of your friends or getting to friend’s house in helping them sorting the management of functions, parties, festivity etc., you need to be courageous enough to say ‘No’ to your friend straightforwardly at the right moment of time knowing your own responsibilities need to sorted out first.  So you can easily turn down the request of your friends more politely and sweetly in a more cordial manner that although, you wanted to help them but you also need to sort out your own personal affairs and that need priority.

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Hence, instead of blindly accepting any request of someone by saying ‘Yes’ , it’s always better to say ‘No’ straight upfront by simply looking at your own preferences and matters which need to be handled firstly. 
Similarly, during office settings environment and if you are are bundled with loads of official assignments and if in the meantime, going to promise of help to your colleague can become a  problematic matter for you. Therefore, try not to hesitant in explaining your own responsibilities and situations since your own matters need to be solved on urgent basis.

Even if it’s not possible for you to attend any function, event etc. then try not to make any promise of ‘Yes’ to make your friend/s happy for the time being which later you won’t be able to attend and become source of embarrassment for you. Hence, majority of the times, your friends will eventually understand your circumstances later on once they come to know.

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Author: Sajjad Khan Bangash

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