By Jeanette Saxby,
Oxford, New Zealand.
Will it go the distance?
Some of our very best and dearest friends are our earliest form of friendship our school pal. Male or female, it is not surprising that many of the people we met at school (as scared and teary new entrants) are still in touch today. At five years of age, we are brought together at the classroom and matched with a buddy to sit with, a group to read with and friends to eat lunch and play with. We may also have people we play music or sing with or groups we play sport with.
Some of these early relationships are very formative. Often we make friends with someone, who even at five we recognise something. Perhaps the shared experience of being in Mr. White’s class was enough.
As we get older, we remain friends because we like each other. We are friends for tangible reasons- Friendships take time and effort and careful consideration. Perhaps a poor choice of friends can lead you into criminal activity and estrangement.
Choosing a partner is a purely natural and biological drive. It is in ways, a form a madness to fall in love. The highs of the pleasures of falling in love are exactly like a drug. People have described falling in love or being in love as a euphoric time. The rose coloured glasses are worn and the beloved appears far more wonderful and radiant than any other woman. Great works of literature have been written about deeds of madness based on the love of a beautiful woman. And yet much more is made of romance and weddings than relationships and future plans.
What is love?
Our best friends are our bridesmaids and best man at the wedding but our choice of marriage partner is so varied. But considering how the majority of young people in their late teens dream of happy futures and beautiful lives their actual life’s things don’t always happen to some imagined plan.
In our Twenties:
But speaking generally in your twenties we are our most aspirational. Our dreams are big and our experience is minimal. Some of us in our twenties are done with school and working or not doing doing much. Others are studying and later on having kids and marriages and mortgages. Others have travels and overseas experience. In our youth, we sometimes rush into things without being moderate but we are very driven into having a good time when we perhaps laying foundations maybe a good plan.
In our thirties:
When we reach our thirties most of us have chosen a partner and married or has a long term commitment to each other. We have jobs and kids and still many aspirations. Some of us are able to purchase premium goods, pay for private education and ponies. There are children and also break ups. Some of us met our partner at school and have been together for over a decade. Many couples in their thirties enjoy their careers, their hobbies, sports and families or other families. Vitality and fun are the aspect of this age. Some are no longer in the relationship and are now single parents. Staying happy after ten years together is the same as staying together in the first year. Keep remembering what attracted you and keep taking time to something you enjoy doing together as a couple.
By the time we are forty years old many are not always quite where they wanted to be but life can be settled . There are adult children quite possibly, and careers may be very demanding. There can be some special things that happen while you are a couple in your forties. Your child rearing and producing children days are over. Some parents are now grandparents. With extended families some people have tensions and it is unpleasant yet other families who make also have to deal with difficult issues can take the time to resolve problems as they arrive in a timely fashion and not allowing problems to fester. In your forties you need to provide leadership and be a good role model.
Staying together in your forties I think requires more attention and sensitivity than before because sometimes it is easy to let things drift apart through a simple neglect. Remember to honour each other. Always support each other and be kind to your family. It’s hard to be a woman in her forties as it may seem like not having reproductive capacity makes her redundant. It is something that takes to adjust to.
As a couple in their fifties.
This should be a happy time. Hopefully respect and kindness still prevail. Life is not without unexpected tragedy . People have accidents, illness and life is unfair. Dealing with death as a couple is like shining a light on the future. We lose loved ones helping each other dealing with grief is part of the job. Illness can become a reality in our fifties.
Are we financially secure?
Can we ever afford to be?
But fifties can be a time to rediscover each other and our original attraction, it can be a time to try new things now that the children have left home. It may even be a new love blossoming at fifty. Falling in love feels the same at 18 as it does at 80.
Getting older in our sixties:
In this modern era we are living longer. Being sixty, may seem pretty youthful if life expectancy is ninety!
Being in our sixties, our children if we had them, may have left home or the neighbourhood. May be your children have left the country. It is not uncommon for people to live on every country on the globe. I hope that couples in retirement have been able to have foreseen this coming. Having time planned and things to look forward to do when one or both of you retire is good. Otherwise, many people report to it being a big shock to the settled routine of many years. I’ve seen ecstatic brides at nearly seventy. So finding the man or woman of your dreams can happen at any age. Finding someone who sing nicely, make you laugh, play a good hand of cards or enjoy nice walks outside can be great. But finding a best friend to spend your twilight years is also very common, you never know.
Depending on your health, there are lots of activities that can be fun for couples. Getting out and about is essential to health. There is something therapeutic about going for a walk. It’s even nicer if it’s a nature walk with scents for your nose or beautiful colours or towering trees, holding hands .
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