Child Sexual Abuse Warning signs


Child Sexual Abuse Warning signs

SexualAbuse2

By Sajjad Amin Bangash

With special thanks to my friend Yvonne Duncan from Drunfermline, Scotland who given insights to write on this particular matter of extreme importance.

A friend of mine Yvonne Duncan from Drunfermline, Scotland requested me to write on ‘Child Sexual Abuse’ and she entrusted me to write on this matter of extreme importance.

Children are the beautiful blessings of God who beautify this world with their elegant innocence and meek love and colorful nature which gift the world nothing but ‘Love, care and serenity”.

My friend said “Sajjad! I know you are the best person to do write this. I trust you one hundred percent. This is our future generation and there’s a huge part of my generation and the generation before me that are affected by this disgusting act.  They are suffering in silence. People use drugs and alcohol to try and numb the pain. It affects my relationship with men and trust issues.

Name, shame and jail these paedophiles this is serious disgusting and in humane.  Unbelievable, shocking,time to report every sexual abuser.  This has to end, this has to stop, speak out. No child should be subjected to sexual, mental and physical abuse. Paedophiles are hiding every where, churches, police, parents, grandparents, relatives, strangers, babysitters, after school clubs, cubs, scouts,schools.  The list is endless. Please please if your being abused, I urge you to speak out.  Nothing worse can happen to you than what your already going through, let’s fill courts and jails with paedophiles and get them of our streets.  End stigma and shame on sexual abuse before it goes any further.   I feel so passionate and physically sick about this Sajjad please write about this.

I was sexually abused as a child and I am ready to talk about it.  It’s worse when your an adult.  It screwed me up and had a big pact in my life.  I am in counselling as you know.   I’m in the process of reporting my abuser.  Who is the voice for all the children alone going through this.  It’s a dirty secret that scars you for the rest of your life.  I would write about it but it’s too raw.  I need you to write it for me and these children.  Please do not hesitate to ask me anything about sexual abuse, I will tell you all.  Thank you, I needed to send this to you as it will be deleted from Facebook and probably swept under the carpet.

Our government are already covering up for Paedophiles in Westminster.  This has to be for every child and adult that’s been sexually abused.  Encouraging people to report it to places like Safe Space and Kasp.  Put numbers for organisations like Sammaratins, Breathing Space, Samh, Penumbra.  There’s place to help people with after care too.

This should be on the news and in adverts on television Sajjad. This is big and cannot be ignored. I had no one to turn to when it was happening to me as a child, ones was men being left to babysit.  It doesn’t have to be full sex to be sexual abuse, touching your privates, making you touch their Vicks and winking them off when your a small child is still sexual abuse.  Making you stand naked and not giving you the towel to cover yourself unless you suck it is sexual abuse.  These are things I was made to do.  I had the sense to know it was wrong, no one believed me.  I want people and children to realise they will be believed.  Schools need to be aware of sexual abuse in school and rape too.  Rape can happen in the marital home.

child abuse

What to look for in adults and children

What is considered child sexual abuse?

Child sexual abuse includes touching and non-touching activity. Some examples of touching activity include:

  • touching a child’s genitals or private parts for sexual pleasure
  • making a child touch someone else’s genitals, play sexual games or have sex putting objects or body parts (like fingers, tongue or penis) inside the vagina, in the mouth or in the anus of a child for sexual pleasure

Some examples of non-touching activity include:

  • showing pornography to a child
  • deliberately exposing an adult’s genitals to a child
  • photographing a child in sexual poses
  • encouraging a child to watch or hear sexual acts
  • inappropriately watching a child undress or use the bathroom
As well as the activities described above, there is also the serious and growing problem of people making and downloading sexual images of children on the Internet. To view child abuse images is to participate in the abuse of a child. Those who do so may also be abusing children they know. People who look at this material need help to prevent their behaviour from becoming even more serious.
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Warning signs in children and adolescents of possible child sexual abuse

Children often show us rather than tell us that something is upsetting them. There may be many reasons for changes in their behaviour, but if we notice a combination of worrying signs it may be time to call for help or advice.
Contact Can Include:
  • Fondling
  • Obscene phone calls
  • Exhibitionism
  • Masturbation
  • Intercourse
  • Oral or anal sex
  • Prostitution
  • Pornography
  • Any other sexual conduct that is harmful to a child’s mental, emotional, or physical welfare
Additional Features
  • May consist of a single incident or many acts over a long period of time.
  • Abuse is more often perpetrated by someone known to the child.
  • Abuse may escalate over time, particularly if the abuser is a family member.

Adult Reactions

Many adults tend to overlook, to minimize, to explain away, or to disbelieve allegations of abuse. This may be particularly true if the perpetrator is a family member.

NOTE: The absence of force or coercion does not diminish the abusive nature of the conduct, but, sadly, it may cause the child to feel responsible for what has occurred.

Warning Signs

Physical Signs
  • Difficulty walking or sitting
  • Bloody, torn, or stained underclothes
  • Bleeding, bruises, or swelling in genital area
  • Pain, itching, or burning in genital area
  • Frequent urinary or yeast infections
  • Sexually Transmitted Infections, especially if under 14 years old
  • Pregnancy, especially if under 14 years old
Behavioral Signs
  • Reports sexual abuse
  • Inappropriate sexual knowledge
  • Inappropriate sexual behavior
  • Nightmares or bed-wetting
  • Large weight changes/major changes in appetite
  • Suicide attempts or self-harming, especially in adolescents
  • Shrinks away or seems threatened by physical contact
  • Runs away
  • Overly protective and concerned for siblings, assumes a caretaker role
  • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or Rape Trauma Syndrome symptoms

Common Reactions

  • Withdrawal
  • Depression
  • Sleeping & eating disorders
  • Self-mutilation
  • Phobias
  • Psychosomatic symptoms (stomachaches, headaches)
  • School problems (absences, drops in grades)
  • Poor hygiene/excessive bathing
  • Anxiety
  • Guilt
  • Regressive behaviors – thumb-sucking, etc.

What to watch out for in children:

  • Acting out in an inappropriate sexual way with toys or objects
  • Nightmares, sleeping problems
  • Becoming withdrawn or very clingy
  • Becoming unusually secretive
  • Sudden unexplained personality changes, mood swings and seeming insecure
  • Regressing to younger behaviours, e.g. bedwetting
  • Unaccountable fear of particular places or people
  • Outburst of anger
  • Changes in eating habits
  • New adult words for body parts and no obvious source
  • Talk of a new, older friend and unexplained money or gifts
  • Self-harm (cutting, burning or other harmful activities)
  • Physical signs, such as, unexplained soreness or bruises around genitals or mouth, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy
  • Running away
  • Not wanting to be alone with a particular child or young person

Any one sign doesn’t mean that a child was or is being sexually abused, but the presence of several suggests that you should begin to ask questions and consider seeking help. Keep in mind that some of these signs can emerge at other times of stress such as:

  • During a divorce
  • Death of a family member or pet
  • Problems at school or with friends
  • Other anxiety-inducing or traumatic events

Physical warning signs

Physical signs of sexual abuse are rare, however, if you see these signs, take your child to a doctor. Your doctor can help you understand what may be happening and test for sexually transmitted diseases.
  • Pain, discoloration, bleeding or discharges in genitals, anus or mouth
  • Persistent or recurring pain during urination and bowel movements
  • Wetting and soiling accidents unrelated to toilet training

Signs that an adult may be using their relationship with a child for sexual reasons

The signs that an adult is using their relationship with a child for sexual reasons may not be obvious. We may feel uncomfortable about the way they play with the child, or seem always to be favouring them and creating reasons for them to be alone. There may be cause for concern about the behaviour of an adult or young person if they:

  • Refuse to allow a child sufficient privacy or to make their own decisions on personal matters.
  • Insist on physical affection such as kissing, hugging or wrestling even when the child clearly does not want it.
  • Are overly interested in the sexual development of a child or teenager.
  • Insist on time alone with a child with no interruptions.
  • Spend most of their spare time with children and have little interest in spending time with people their own age.
  • Regularly offer to baby-sit children for free or take children on overnight outings alone.
  • Buy children expensive gifts or give them money for no apparent reason.
  • Frequently walk in on children/teenagers in the bathroom.
  • Treat a particular child as a favourite, making them feel ‘special’ compared with others in the family.
  • Pick on a particular child.

Child abuse 2

Child abuse among children and young people

Age appropriate sexual behaviour

We all know that children pass through different stages of development as they grow, and that their awareness and curiosity about sexual matters change as they pass from infancy into childhood and then through puberty to adolescence. Each child is an individual and will develop in his or her own way. However, there is a generally accepted range of behaviours linked to a child’s age and developmental stage. Sometimes these will involve some exploration with other children of a similar age. It can be difficult to tell the difference between age appropriate sexual exploration and warning signs of harmful behaviour. Occasionally we may need to explain to children why we would prefer them not to continue with a particular behaviour.

This is a chance to talk with them about keeping themselves and others safe and to let them know that you are someone who will listen. Disabled children may develop at different rates, depending on the nature of their disability, and they can be more vulnerable to abuse. Children with learning disabilities, for example, may behave sexually in ways that are out of step with their age. Particular care may be needed in educating such children to understand their sexual development and to ensure that they can communicate effectively about any worries they have.

It is important to recognise that while people from different backgrounds have different expectations about what is acceptable behaviour in children, sexual abuse happens across all races and cultures. Remember that each child develops at his or her own pace and not every child will show the behaviours described below. If you have any worries or questions about a child you know, talk to someone about it.

Pre-school children (0-5) years commonly:

  • Use childish ‘sexual’ language to talk about body parts
  • Ask how babies are made and where they come from
  • Touch or rub their own genitals
  • Show and look at private parts

They rarely:

  • Discuss sexual acts or use sexually explicit language
  • Have physical sexual contact with other children
  • Show adult-like sexual behaviour or knowledge  

School-age children (6-12 years) commonly:

  • Ask questions about menstruation, pregnancy and other sexual behaviour
  • Experiment with other children, often during games, kissing, touching, showing and role playing e.g. mums and dads or doctors and nurses
  • Masturbate in private

They rarely:

  • Masturbate in public
  • Show adult like sexual behaviour or knowledge

Adolescents:

  • Ask questions about relationships and sexual behaviour
  • Use sexual language and talk between themselves about sexual acts
  • Masturbate in private
  • Experiment sexually with adolescents of similar age

NB. About one-third of adolescents have sexual intercourse before the age of 16.

They rarely:

  • Masturbate in public
  • Have sexual contact with much younger children or adults 

Warning signs of sexually harmful behaviour

One of the hardest things for parents to discover is that their child may have sexually harmed or abused another child. In this situation, denial, shock and anger are normal reactions. If it is not responded to quickly and sensitively, the effect on the whole family can be devastating. For this reason it is vital to contact someone for advice about what to do as soon as you suspect that something is wrong. The positive message is that early help for the child or young person and their family can make a real difference. Evidence suggests that the earlier children can get help, the more chance there is of preventing them moving on to more serious behaviour. It is important to be alert to the early warning signs that something is going wrong. If you are in this situation, remember that you are not alone. Many other parents have been through similar experiences, and, as a result, the child and family found the help they needed are were able to rebuild their lives. The first step is to decide that it would be helpful to talk it over with someone else.

Do you know a child or adolescent who:

  • Seeks out the company of younger children and spends an unusual amount of time in their company?
  • Takes younger children to ‘secret’ places or hideaways or plays ‘special’ games with them (e.g. doctor and patient, removing clothing etc.) especially games unusual to their age?
  • Insists on hugging or kissing a child when the child does not want to?
  • Tells you they do not want to be alone with a child or becomes anxious when a particular child comes to visit?
  • Frequently uses aggressive or sexual language about adults or children?
  • Shows sexual material to younger children?
  • Makes sexually abusive telephone calls?
  • Shares alcohol or drugs with younger children or teens?
  • Views child pornography on the internet or elsewhere?
  • Exposes his or her genitals to younger children?
  • Forces sex on another adolescent or child?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should talk to the child or young person and seek advice.

What you can do if you see warning signs

Create a family safety plan. Don’t wait for ‘proof’ of child sexual abuse.

If you are concerned about the sexualized behaviors in a parent, cousin, sibling, friend, or neighbour, you should consider contacting the police or children’s services in your area, they can take action if appropriate. If you choose not to do that, care enough to talk to the person whose behavior is worrying you.

Make sure everyone knows that it’s OK to talk with you about what may have already happened – that you love them and will help them.

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13 Comments Add yours

  1. Allan Patterson says:

    That was a fascinating and very disturbing article. Another more disturbing situation about child sex abuse which you’ve touched on that’s breaking news – is institutional child sex abuse within the political establishment.

    Apparently secret services and other agencies have been setting-up and utilising paedo-rings then blackmailing many politicians to do their bidding. For decades. This is more complex to go into though Sajjad.

    Like

    1. sajadbangash says:

      Liz Carney, Chapelhall, North Lankashire, Scotland.

      And under Scottish law it needs two reliable witnesses. I know of some one who done some of the time and got it appealed because the kids were under 11, disgraceful.

      Like

      1. sajadbangash says:

        Mairead Tag, Glasgow, Scotland.

        There is an underlying bias in legal circles that children are pathological liars. Actually children typically lie to get themselves out of trouble. Any child who discloses abuse is by definition in a whole world of trouble. The astonishing thing isn’t that children retract their allegations, its the fact that so many wee souls keep on telling their truth even when they’re being accused of lying and breaking upt he family. Children are AMAZING!

        Like

      2. sajadbangash says:

        Mairead Tagg, Scotland.

        Though actually Scots law doesn’t require two witnesses, it merely requires corroborative evidence which could be physical evidence of sexual abuse or indeed anything that offers independent evidence that the crime has occurred. the trouble is that abusers cover their tracks and commit their atrocities behind closed doors with no witnesses other than a terrified child.

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  2. Ramesh Kumar says:

    I do see a bias in that article…the first image highlighted girls but in truth and by statistics and researches boys are molested as much as girls and there are as much female child sex offenders as males…https://www.facebook.com/1482674755282646/photos/a.1482679768615478.1073741828.1482674755282646/1560647514152036/?type=1

    Like

    1. sajadbangash says:

      Ramesh, the article basically addresses both the genders and it only takes into account children both the boys and girls. My notion was to ‘bring into attention’ the issue and that’s very relevant and important.

      Like

    2. maireadtagg says:

      Ramesh you’re factually incorrect. Research shows overwhelmingly that here are more female child victims and more male perpetrators of this crime. Abuse of boys is just as damaging and unacceptable as abuse of girls but trying to say that this is a gender-neutral crime is misleading and unhelpful

      Like

  3. maireadtagg says:

    One of the most pernicious aspects of Child Sexual Abuse (CSA) is the fact that for a significant number of abused children there are NO signs of physical damage, even when children are being subjected to penetrative sex. Scottish Law is based on corroborative evidence and in the absence of physical damage it is often the case that the perpetrator walks free. Equally, the ordeal of giving evidence for children should not be underestimated. Children are often groomed to remain silent about the abuse they are enduring, often being told that it is their fault, that the abuse is happen.ing because they are bad or it’s a special kind of love. Young victims of CSA may be told by their abuser that if they tell they will be taken away from their family, that it will cause the family to break up, that the abuser will kill the child, sexually abuse a younger sibling, kill a pet or even a parent. The fear of breaking silence is overwhelming; children may even lack the basic vocabulary to explain what has happened to them. British courts work on an adversarial basis – children wil be subjected to cross-examination with the intent to discredit them and show them to be liars or even morally corrupted. All too often the protests of the perpetrator that the child “seduced” them are taken by judges as face value, with one chid victim being described as “no angel” and therefore responsible for the gross sexual abuse to which she had been subjected. Sentences handed down to perpetrators are often risible – frequently these individuals avoid incarceration altogether – and there is little effective monitoring of sex offenders when they are released. Equally services to child and adult survivors are often ineffective because they are not sufficiently specialised and do not actually address the underlying dysregulation of the brain which is a direct result of being repeatedly abused and violated. There is a real need to tackle this abomination vigorously, placing less weight on believing people with a manifest agenda to deceive and more understanding and practical support for children and adults affected by CSA.

    Like

  4. Loretta Murphy says:

    It is excellent. Thank you. I have been a nurse – mental health for 25 years, some of it working with children, and now a school nurse for the last 14 – and sadly, it is but one of the types of abuse that rears its ugly head far too often. Well done.

    I have sent it out to all my FB contacts and I am going to try to share it with our faculty at my school. This is what I said to introduce my post:

    “This might make you uncomfortable. I hope it does.

    As a mandated reporter and school nurse, I feel compelled to share this as a public service. It is factual, well-written, and brings to light many aspects of victimization that even health care clinicians and those who work with children are often uncomfortable discussing or even thinking about.

    Child abuse of any kind is ugly and it must end for the sake of the children and for the adults they will become.

    Please read and share and save for reference. It could make the difference in the life of a child.

    Just remember, if you suspect child abuse of any kind, you can be an anonymous reporter. You do not need to conduct a CSI investigation before you report – that is the job of those who enforce – and your report will be confidential.

    Please help save the children. No child should have to go through this – ever.”

    Thank you again for this excellent article. Sexual abuse of children – like other forms of child abuse – is everywhere. Ferreting it out is one thing, but by then, the damage is done. We need to begin researching and targeting prevention efforts if we truly want to save the children.

    Like

  5. it is good to hi-light the danger of child sex abuse but why do people all ways talk about girls 1 in 4 girls are abused some research says its one in five for men . as a mater a fact it can be more devastating for men to a point that there is no potability that did not want it or the other line girls dont abuse (sexual) . in my experience the big question for men is – how could i be a man if i let a man do that to me ( male abusers ) i also found with female abusers servers tend to be submissive to woman a in relationships

    Like

    1. sajadbangash says:

      Loretta A. Murphy
      Ashland, Pennsylvania, USA.
      This is excellent. It is factual and spot on with a lot of valuable information that people, even clinicians and those who work with children, are uncomfortable talking about.

      If this helps one innocent child be identified and helped, it will be worth it.

      I work with children and I am a mandated reporter so I am sharing this as a public service. Thank you.

      Like

    2. sajadbangash says:

      Angel Nikita, Paisley, Scotland.
      Excellent, when u see some off the selfies I have seen on the net, people have actually been unintentionally killed trying to appear too cool awful.

      Like

  6. sajadbangash says:

    Ross Winters, Scotland.

    There was a program on TV called the Pedophile Hunters. It is young people taking the initiative to hunt down pedophiles. At least they are trying. Pedophiles have to be trapped because they slink and sneak around and are difficult to find.

    Like

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